


falling down

by sugarlix



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Chara Has Issues, Dark, Gender-Neutral Chara, Genderless Chara, Nonbinary Character, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, chara is not happy, dark stuff goes on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-09 01:49:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8871055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarlix/pseuds/sugarlix
Summary: "i know why chara climbed the mountain. it wasn't for a very happy reason."chara's plan is great.





	

**Author's Note:**

> 'I know why Chara climbed the mountain. It wasn't for a very happy reason.'
> 
> tw: suicidal thoughts, a LOT of references to suicide and death in general, chara is not okay. pls stay safe!!

Your plan is great.

 

See, you've had a lot of dreams and a lot of thoughts and a lot of ideas. And you've had a lot of plans, too, but this one is especially good, this one is great, because you're absolutely sure that this will work out.

 

All your previous plans had this dose of uncertainty injected into them, for those moments when you had to keep going, had to slip and hide and sneak around, had this whole me-and-myself policy, _can't take a breath,_ ** _must land running_**.

 

But now, god, your plan is brilliant. It’s like everything is falling very neatly into place, slotting into where it’s supposed to be. For once, everything makes sense.

 

You look at your backpack.

 

Burning your school books was fun.

 

* * *

 

Things feel a little surreal.

 

You're happy - ecstatic, even - but everything you do today feels sort of dreamlike, like it's not really happening. when the others kids crash into you on the stairs, all you can think is about how you won't have to care about this soon. When your favourite cinnamon cereal is gone, you hardly notice.

 

You're buzzing with anticipation for later. Is it bad that you're excited?

 

'Freak,' a boy snarls at you, pushing you as he passes. _No_ , you decide. _I deserve to be._

 

* * *

 

You skip school today, and that’s maybe the best thing of all.

 

You know you shouldn’t be, but you can’t help but think about how much you hated school, and how everyone there hated you too. Trying to be a good enough person was difficult. You suppose by now you’ve given up. It’s not like anyone was there to help you. Why should you be standing around waiting for them?

 

And it’s not like anyone’s going to have a chance to help you now.

 

Not after this, anyway.

 

* * *

 

The leaves crunch under your feet as you walk. It’s autumn now, the leaves turning orange and red and yellow, falling and twirling to the ground. You glance up just in time to see leaves pick up off the ground and swirl in the breeze, a kaleidoscope of red and orange. It’s pretty.

 

You look away, shaking. Stolen breath, brown eyes. And thin wrists don't stop trembling.

 

* * *

 

You pass wooden benches, tall grass, dandelions and thistles. Your boots have got all dirty at the bottom, the grass reaching up to just below your calves.

 

You look behind you. You hesitate, standing still as a statue, hands clenched into the fabric of your sweater.

 

A scarlet leaf detaches itself from a tree branch and spirals down in front of you. Whatever paints you as dramatic.

 

* * *

 

It’s getting cold. You don’t know the time, but it couldn’t be any later than twelve. Your legs hurt and your feet twinge. You pull the sleeves of your sweater, staring out at the sky. Your head hurts, a sick drum beat thrumming in your mind.

 

It’s getting cold, so you keep walking.

 

* * *

 

When you were younger, an old man once told you a story about castles and trees and forests. His eyes were alight with something you weren't familiar with, and he always talked with his hands.

 

You pass by a pine tree, then another. Another, another, another.

 

You wonder where the old man is now. You wonder if you’d be brave enough to ask him for the story just one more time.

 

Maybe you could lay down here. Let moss grow over you, grass grow tall around your arms, flowers and weeds sprout up in the brown strands of your hair. But you’re not brave enough for that, either, and the old man is too far away and too old now to let you cry for him. Your throat aches when you think about that, and hot tears sting your eyes red.

 

You keep walking.

 

* * *

 

Shiver. Swallow. Look behind you.

 

Oh, you’re far away from home.

 

You don’t really know where home is, if you’re being honest with yourself. It got lost somewhere, in between colour storybooks and lost hairbrushes and flickering fairy lights. And now you’re sent to a million different Homes, only you keep losing track, you keep getting mixed up. One day you know everything and the other you feel like you're just desperately hanging on.

 

And the problem with you, you’re much too flighty, you leave at the slightest sign of pressure and you’ll snap at the slightest sign of stress. You won’t ever mean anything to anyone because by that time you’ll be gone.

 

You shiver, you swallow, you look behind you.

 

You keep walking.

 

* * *

 

It’s getting dark and you’re sick of everything.

 

You hate everything, you hate yourself, you hate loud noises and slamming doors and clenched fists. You hate how your hair falls out in the shower and how you can never seem to bruise. You hate how fragile you feel, this whole raging storm contained inside a brittle body.

 

This isn’t your body. These aren’t your bones. None of this belongs to you. And when you dig your nails into your palm, you hate how you can’t feel a thing.

 

You keep walking.

 

* * *

 

The grass is sparse and the earth is dry and flaky.

 

Tall trees surround you, with thick, dark branches and dulled leaves. You walk carefully across the yellow grass. Each step is slower and slower.

 

There’s a large opening by a cave. It’s dark on the inside, great, sharp pieces of rock hanging from the top like icicles. You walk in. The ground is uneven around you, almost like cobblestones. You have to be careful not to stumble as you continue forward.

 

And suddenly, very suddenly, something clicks and your mind slows and you stop walking.

 

You stop walking.

 

Because there’s an opening in the ground, looking more like a portal than the edge of a cliff. It’s big and wide and it looks like it could swallow you whole. The outside of it is sharp and rocky. You swallow hard, pulling at the neck of your green sweater.

 

There are vines leading to the opening. You follow them, thick and wild and coiled, curling against the beaten earth, and you look down at the unfathomable darkness of the opening.

 

You snag your foot against one of the vines. You trip. You fall headfirst, tangled hair rushing around you.

 

You fall down, and everything ends.

 

* * *

 

(Only it doesn’t. You slam onto the ground with the force of a thousand weights. You have a crick in your neck and your joints are aching.

 

You look up at a stormy mess of clouds, up at the bleach-white piece of sky above you.

 

 _Just my luck_ , you think bitterly, and then you start to cry.)

**Author's Note:**

> i'm back!
> 
> what a thing to come back to. i started writing this just before exam season, flailed around a bit during them, and finished the rest of it (about 700 more words) nearly as soon as they ended.
> 
> i'm not used to writing dark things so??? this was a (depressing and difficult) trip to write. i really, really wanted to write about chara -- as in, not a demon with a knife and red eyes and a bloody striped sweater, chara (or at least how i view them). and i did!
> 
> so i really hope you enjoyed it!! i'm sorry for disappearing for so long but i'll try my best to actually get more things up! i've been kept busy with exams and such, but i'm working hard!!
> 
> and lastly, thank you all for the support on 'of optimism'!! it's super encouraging, thank you so so much :) you're all super lovely!!!
> 
> pls leave a comment if you enjoyed!! :)


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